There is currently a system wide outage affecting Gen5 Echostar-19 customers, call volume is high, and there is nothing that basic support can help with in this scenario. There is no ETA for when service will be restored, but engineering is working on it. You can read the official statement here: https://community.hughesnet.com/t5/About-the-Community/Jupiter-2-Service-Alert/m-p/90607#M1252
This will, of course also affect those with VOIP as well.
I will have to admit, I rather love your satire. 🙂